One Month.

Hi pretty people who reads my blog. I am finally back after a one month hiatus. And I must say, a lot of shit happened.

Let's start off by saying, my inner fitness freak totally failed in keeping my promise. Gained a lot of weight and my flat stomach is now bloated. Now, I am torturing myself in eating very little. Sad, but i'll get through this.

Next stop, my love life. I've been stressing about it last month, right? But believe it or not, I had the guts to text J that I no longer feel I want to be in a relationship with him. Things weren't looking up after I wrote my last blog post. I thought will get past this but I am so fed up with all his shinenegans. For once, I thought about my own feelings, I had to be selfish for myself. I wasn't getting the right treatment a boyfriend should give to the only girl he loves (or that's what I thought) But I am glad I did that, now I am stress free and can concentrate on my studies and well... weight. -___-

But as others say, when one door closes a new one opens. Been texting, calling, and being sweet to this new guy I met on the internet. He's A. I'm months older than him and we're 400 miles away from each other. Same with J. But the difference, we never met, just pictures on our facebook profiles. But you know, even though we're far from each other, he never fails to make me feel loved, cared for and important to him. I never felt that with J. He was the opposite of J. He just actually got out from his previous relationship, same with me, I guess we're both helping each other. You can maybe call us M.U. (mutual understanding). It's like we know we like each other but we're still waiting for the right time to be boyfriend-girlfriend. I am quite excited for that to happen. But another downside to this is, another long distance relationship for me. But by the way he handles our relationship now, I think it's pretty easy and hard too, but I know he'll never make me feel that I am alone. :)

Wow, that was long.
Well, you can now expect me to blog every day or every two days.
Have a blessed sunday everyone. :)

xoxo

Moving Up But Torn

Haven't blogged for three days. Which completely means my life was pretty busy.

Over the last three days, I have experienced being sad, happy, confused, mad... in other words, I was stressed. And that's the worst state that anyone should see me in. And I finally had the breakdown last night, when I discovered that I have no dinner. Yep, insult me all you want but please just never take away food from me. Yep, I love food. In fact, my classmates-slash-friends told me that I looked like I've gain weight. Seriously? After the months that I spent dieting and going to the gym that's what I get? They said my face was bloated. I seriously, felt ugly. :( So, I'm back to being very strict with my diet. And promised that after exams I would go to the gym five times a week, no matter what it takes. Yes people, I'm a fitness freak, okay? :)

Okay, about my title, moving up. Me and J have been take tiny steps into making our relationship better than worst. I love how our normal texting came back, a bit. But he needs to stop playing computer games. Like, we are texting each other and the second look at my phone, he won't reply, because his playing. Yeah, leave your girlfriend alone to wait for a reply that won't come.

And torn. Well, there's this new guy I met, and he kinda really likes me. He asked me If he could court me and be my boyfriend. He doesn't know I have a bf, but you know, he's very sweet and caring. Might enjoy this attention first, attention I never get from my own boyfriend.

Is this wrong? :(
I just want to feel important for once.

xo

Scared and Stationary.

Describing myself right now.

I am utterly scared for midterm exams next week and well, stationary because I'm always in my room.

I really want to talk to my dad and say sorry. But I just couldn't find the perfect time. I miss talking to my parents and having silly conversations with them.

But how? Dad's birthday is coming up and I need to say sorry ASAP.

Wish me luck. *fingers crossed*
Off to the gym for now.

xo

Is there a rewind button?

If I could just turn back time and correct the bad things that I have done, we would still be perfect now. How can I be so stupid and immature?

Here I am, texting him, thinking that we are okay. Unfortunately, not on his book. I am still someone whom he'll treat coldly and will always be his girlfriend whom he has trust issues with. We might be, as what our facebook status says "in a relationship" but things are far from perfect.

I just want October to come fast. Cause I know, when we will see each other again, it will all be good. I hope.

Now, if I may say good night cause I'll still be studying for a big quiz.

xo

Passing school. Flunking on people.

Start of my day was surprisingly very different to the cold treatment at home. I was highest in our quiz and I felt that my friends actually wanted me to be there. If only my class was until afternoon, but no, I still need to go home.

Went to gym and felt shitty and ugly.

On the other hand, while I'm passing school, I was doing a horrible job at home.

It hit me. My relationships with people are going downhill. Realized it when I offered biscuits to our helper and she just looked at me and asked "What's that?" and I replied "Biscuits". She looked scared or maybe feels sorry for me, she answered me with a "NO", that actually hurt my pride, I went out of my way and gave her my favorite snacks, I have no choice but to place it on their bed and I just said "That's yours, makes my stomach big", left with a smile.

But when I returned to my room, I feel like crying. Me and my parents aren't talking, me and J... I don't even know what the hell is happening to us, and now our helpers. Great, can't wait to be deaf forever. No one will be talking to me now.

Help?

xo